Insecurity in intimacy and low self-esteem: part 1

Feeling insecure in your intimate life is a very common feeling. You don't have to feel wrong or different because of it.

Having a pinch of insecurity is healthy: this is often related to a marked sensitivity. Being sensitive is a gift, which allows you to self-observe and to grasp emotional nuances and details with a greater clarity than the average person. It's a bit like having special internal glasses, which I call Empathy.

On the other hand, when insecurity is excessively present, it can become limiting and even blocking in the management of one's emotions and in the interaction with others. In this case, it is an indicator of low self-esteem.

But what is self-esteem? We can define it as a lack of confidence in oneself and in one's personal resources, which leads the person to feel inferior or "deficient" or "not enough" in various relational contexts.

Self-esteem is formed in the individual by the interaction between genetic and temperament factors and the various situations that the person encounters throughout life and which profoundly influence him.

If you have an introverted temperament and have had painful and unpleasant past experiences, such as being bullied or having devalued partners, it is possible that this has affected your self-esteem, creating a wound that still undermines your self-confidence today.

While on one hand the fact that the past can influence your present so much can hurt, on the other hand I have some good news for you: working on your self-esteem to boost it is possible!

As a first fundamental step, it is important to begin a process of internal self-observation to become aware of how your self-esteem is today.

You have low self-esteem if:

• You feel like an unworthy person in various areas of life. Try asking yourself if you feel deserving of your job. Of a partner. Of the compliments of others.
• You fear rejection, and this leads you to close yourself off or avoid situations where you might feel “out of place.”
• You are afraid of being judged, of failing, or of failing.
• You tend to reflect a lot on existential questions and get lost in negative and pessimistic thoughts.
• You often stay in your comfort zone: you struggle to “throw yourself” into new experiences that could be positive for you.
• You often compare yourself to others.

In the next article, we will see how to deal with insecurity and boost your self-esteem.

Dr. Giulia Burigo
Psychologist and Psychotherapist

If you want to ask questions to Dr. Giulia Burigo write to dottrinagiuliaburigo@incredy.it